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S1-033 Do Not Open
Do Not Open is the thirty-third episode of Season One of Queens of Adventure. In it, the party continues their exploration of the Underdark in search of lost driders. Synopsis The party emerges from a fissure into the abandoned Underdark city beneath Fire Island. Arson Nicki recognizes the spot as near to where she first awoke after the shipwreck. Things have changed. Magma has spilled through the walls of the cavern. Buildings have broken apart. A voice in Arson's head says she knew Arson would come back. The others give Arson a look when she responds to the voice, but she focuses on using her city secrets skills to orient herself. Fraya remembers the tokens they obtained from the stone shrine to DCM and kisses it to get a tip. A pair of lips appear on the coin that says "Here's a tip: Check the House on the Hill". Up on a hill they do see a house cut from the hillside. Inside the house they find the place has been destroyed, everything knocked about. Arson notices a colorful scrap of material, which leads her to find a hidden compartment that was destroyed. Inside are wigs, dresses made from scraps, and some makeup elements. Lamont, stepping into the place, asks them what they are looking for. Arson and Irene are sure someone was looking for something in here. Arson continues to investigate, and finds a switch that opens a panel into another room. There they find make up stations on a wall, wardrobes, and smashed up mirrors. It appears to have been a Green Room. Fraya takes off a hoop earring and shapes water to freeze a magnifying glass. With it she finds an old edition of the Works of the Sisters, a book they had once gotten from Lady Trixie LaBouche. Opening it, a scrap of paper falls out. Written in Undercommon, Fraya shoves it to Arson who reads it with her skill of reading all written languages: The High Priestess is onto you. Beneath that: Don't return to the surface. On the back: Get rid of all of it. The group hypothesis that the High Priestess was the one who cursed the Drow, who had befriended the Glamazons and started to do drag, into driders. Irene wonders where the Driders are and Fraya reminds them that they are locked behind the door and driven mad. She also realizes that it was the drag that led to them being cursed. Unsure they have pieced together all of their information, the group (except Irene who puts on wigs) continues to ponder the situation. Butylene checks out the make up area and finds the dominant color is turquoise and scratched into the make up stations are the names "House of Dark", "House of Webs", and "House Beneath". Arson thinks back on the Glamazon Festival they saw, and remembers drow helping repel invaders before Lolth rose up and turned them into driders who DCM sealed away. In the parade, she recalls the Glamazons and Drow dancing to a song together and pulls out the sheet music she got from Rigo. Pulling out the portable Hole of Glory, Arson sticks her head in and appears in the Glamalala reception room. She asks the receptionist to connect her to the Golden Palace and DJ Cyberpreppy. Out of another hole comes the ghosts head. She hums the tune from the sheet to him, and he says he recognizes it as an ancient drow folk song. It has been adapted many times, but always remains the same message. He offers to produce a lute for her to play the music with. Arson asks how it is going at the Golden Palace. He says Belfry has been exhausting him with song requests. In the background, Arson can hear Belfry ask for a song. The group decides to head for the door, and kiss another DCM tip coin when they get there. As they leave, the voice in Arson's head tries to goad her into asking for more information. She tries to hide this from the others but Fraya clocks that she is lying. Irene demands she open up to them and Arson admits to hearing voices and tells them what it has been saying. As the voice continues to talk to her, the others try to figure out the motives of the voice, and think it is trying to create conflict and mistrust and they will assume when Arson inevitably is forced to betray them to not hold it against her. Standing before the door, Arson uses inspiring leadership. The voice continues to try and get to Arson, and as she tells the others, she seems to be growing frazzled. In this state she kicks open the door despite Fraya's shouts to wait until they kiss the coin. A magical ward shivers and breaks as the door, otherwise unlocked, opens. Beyond they see a stone spiral staircase that leads down a shaft. White hot magma spills out of the walls in places and they cannot see the bottom. The steps seem to be crumbling and collapsing in places. The group descends. Fraya tries to do a crab walk performance, but fails, and falls down a ways. It exhausts her a little. Irene does an athletic kick down the stairs. She misses seeing a hole in the stairs and trips over it. Lamont helps her up, saying how scared that made him. They reach a slimy, cobweb and mold covered section of stairs. Butylene tries to really investigate the stairs to find the best way to move down them. She expertly leads them for a ways, and notes that some of the cobwebs seem fresh and can feel a vibration in the walls as if someone is tunneling. The voice tells Arson she is almost back with her kind. She decides to step as cautiously as possible, like a careful runway stomp, and her performance stamps down the cobwebs to make a path. Fraya tries to investigate for hazards, and notices collapsing sections of stairs above, and pulls Lamont to safety. Thus they make it to the bottom of the stairs. Down there, fresh spiderwebs and luminescent mold are everywhere. There is another door, stone, and barricaded on this side, which worries them. The voice tells Arson the driders are dangerous and may need to be destroyed, but the voice prevents her from sharing this with the others. As Irene steps towards the door, the ground shakes. A claw emerges from the ground between her and the door. A creature pulls itself from the earth. Roughly humanoid with three arms and three legs, rocky skin, and only a giant gaping maw with sharp teeth where the head should be. There is an eye in the middle of the chest. It sniffs and asks for food, speaking in Terran, an elemental language only Fraya understands. Each of the queens try to come up with something to do to feed him. Butylene offers spices, Irene some of her gathered bones. The creature is repulsed by the sugar as Irene ring tosses the bones, which it dodges. Fraya asks it what it would like to eat. It sniffs at her and seems to eye her armor and runs a finger down it and asks for metal and coins. It, calling itself Xorn, explains spiders guard a treasure and gems on the other side of the sealed door. Once they agree to help him, he knocks down the barricade, and buries himself in the ground again. Irene kicks down the door, titillating Lamont. They emerge into the next chamber filled with debris, and carvings on the walls. Spiderwebs are everywhere and contain several boulder like clumps. As Irene steps on the web, one of the clumps move. She throws her javelin at one. It splits open and a swarm of rat sized spiders emerge from the eggs and head straight for Irene. Characters Party * Arson Nicki - drider warlock * Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist ** Hella FizzGerald - familiar * Fraya Love - water genasi cleric * Irene Dubois - lizardfolk barbarian NPCs * Lamont Du Pont IV * Underdark Voice * Glamazon Receptionist * DJ Cyberpreppy * Belfry Ramshackle Monsters/Enemies * Xorn * Spiders Episode Notes Lore * The Drow Drag House that formed in the Underdark city beneath Fire Island was warned that the High Priestess was aware of them and were told to destroy everything. Inspiration Earned * Arson - for telling them everything and using inspiring leadership - given by Irene Memorable Quotes * "Not my foundation!" - Arson Nicki * "I've heard of couches before, I've seen them in pictures..." - Fraya Love * "Someone was mad about their booking fee." - "The drink tickets were not coming in on time." - Arson Nicki and Irene Dubois * "This show's been cancelled, clearly." - Butylene O'Kipple * "Oh the High Priestess is the person who turned all the druids into droids. Not droids. Not druids either." - Fraya Love * "Should we do a history check?" - "Should we put on the wigs?" - Fraya Love and Irene Dubois * "Yeah, sure, let me ask the voices in my head a question." - Arson Nicki * "You know someone's got to like you the most." - Fraya Love * "I've been down to go to the door since I put this wig on." - Irene Dubois * "You're rolling about a 13 in terms of lucidity right now." - Irene Dubois * "Well I'm a messy bitch who lives for drama." - Irene Dubois * "Now is the winter of our discount tent! Or better yet the winter of our disco tent." - Arson Nicki * "What are the obstacles?" - "Well right now there is a drag queen lying on her back." - Arson Nicki and DM Matt * "Wherefore art though, spider goddess?" - Arson Nicki * "I'm looking like a snack." - Arson Nicki References * Film Noir * Addams Family - Morticia's eye lighting * Titanic - 84 years * Latrice Royal's "Good God Girl, Get a Grip", the film Get Out, and the Drag Race Parody "Good God, Girl, Get Out" * Betrayal at House on the Hill * Psycho - Bates Motel * Bob Ross * Miss Marple * Math Faced Woman Meme * Lucas Films and Star Wars * MP3 files vs Youtube links at drag shows * Covergirl * Richard III * Coachella * Peter Griffith * Braveheart * Not Without My Daughter * Miss Vanjie's Rosie O'Donnell impression * Naomi Campell * Charmed - Phoebe Hallowell * Les Miz Please Welcome to the Stage * Dramatic Obscura Name That Tune * "Baby Shark" * "Good Vibrations" - Beach Boys Behind the Queens * In the opening of the episode, DM Matt announces tickets are available for the upcoming Chicago live shows in October 2019. Category:Episodes Category:Season One